The Luddite

The Beatles

2008-07-03T19:24:00.002+01:00

I bloody love the Beatles. What is it about them I wonder. I wasn't even born until a few years after they split but they have a magic which is indefinable and which for me no other band possesses. They owned the 60s, they defined them and they grew with them and they wore each new outfit with such grace. Look at how they moved from beat, to pop, to psych, to rock with such ease while the Stones for example (a wonderful band) stumbled when they tried to move outside of their blues based origins.

I'm so torn as to whether I think they should have split up when they did to protect the legend or whether they should have carried on. It would have diluted their legacy without question - we all remember Dean and Monroe for example far more than those stars who have slipped, gracefully or otherwise into old age. It's a fascinating question, I know that even now I feel robbed that only two members remain. I don't think I wanted them to reform, I just wanted to believe it was possible.

Halfway Through The Year

2008-07-03T16:29:00.003+01:00

2008 has been a funny one so far. Maybe it's due to my getting old or maybe it's simply the relative non-appearance of Summer, but it seems to me that this country is in a terrible old mess. Global pressures are playing their part - the huge increases in oil price and the 'sub-prime' collapse in the US, but it's more than that, it's a basic lack of decency coupled with the continuing collapse of the concept of community.

We no longer know or trust our neighbours, our existence is so insular that we suspect everyone, and the constant stream of news regarding knife crime and paedophiles for example only fuels this fire. I don't think these particular issues have really got worse in recent years, the figures however unreliable suggest not, but since we've cut ourselves off from those around us we begin to suspect everyone. I know I do, and I hate myself for it. It's time to get out there and meet people. I'm a pretty crappy Christian, the merits of which I don't intend to debate here, but at each service we do the 'peace be with you' bit. We spend a minute or two greeting those around us in church, shaking hands and wishing each other peace. I don't care whether you have faith or not, that's a bloody good idea.

It's been a long time...

2007-12-18T17:08:00.000Z

...since I posted an entry, and also since Led Zeppelin last played live. I was one of the lucky few (well, 20,000) who made it to the O2 Arena last week to see the rock legends strut their stuff for over 2 hours last week. It made me think about a couple of things which I thought I would post.

- Nostalgia can be very dangerous
I'm almost obsessively nostalgic, often for a time I don't even remember, I tend to listen to old music, watch old films and TV shows and be generally suspicious of the new, and clearly I'm not alone. It is estimated that 20 million people tried to access the website in order to gain tickets for Zeppelin, that's a hell of a lot of nostalgic people. People who wanted the band to deliver an experience they had either seen before or perhaps been told about by their parents. I find the past a very cosy place to live, but end up spending too much of the present worrying about it slipping from me, as heroes and pioneers pass away. I hanker after a time that never existed, and that I certainly never experienced first hand, and that's what made Zeppelin so magical, as though I was allowed a peek into the past - they were nearly that good - to experience it first hand. It's slightly depressing but I'm clearly not alone.

- Nostalgia can be very lucrative
Let us know hope that Zeppelin are able to resist touring and that the O2 arena was truly a one-off event. Surely they don't need the money - but do they need the applause? That is surely what keeps many of them going, if not then the Stones would have retired long ago. The only other act, I think who by virtue of their absence could do what Zeppelin did are Pink Floyd, the will they won't they debates have raged since their brief but hugely nostalgic set at Live8. It is believed that the Floyd or Zep could net over $50m each from a big tour, certainly no-one was complaining at having paid $250 a ticket the other night.

- Nostalgias grip tightens continually
As the past slips further away our desire for it only increases. As with anything (early romances, Carry On films) the bad bits disappear with time and we are left with a rosy view of a time we may not even have been alive during. What a wonderful sunny time 1969 feels like when one looks at the cover of Abbey Road - that album and hence that era, seems to have a palpable warmth to me, while the early 60s feel cold and monochromatic - even though I wasn't alive at the time these feelings seem 100% real to me.

The tragedy of the next generations nostalgia will be figuring out what they have to hold on to. Everything appears so transient and unreal - the physical artifact in all things has been devalued. The 45 or album sleeve of yesterday has been replaced by digital noise. I hope they find something to believe in and which can epitomise their era, much as The Beatles did for the 60s, or Star Wars did for the late 70s. I suppose they have Harry Potter - a truly global phenomenon, let's hope they hold on to those first editions.

Don't Ask Me

2007-10-15T19:48:00.000+01:00

Walking down my local high street over the weekend I was accosted by a man who wanted me to sign a petition. I don’t like signing petitions and on the whole I think they’re rather worthless exercises, so I was immediately predisposed to say no. My resolve was strengthened when I found out that this particular petition was calling for a referendum around the European constitution. The man asked me if I wanted to sign and I responded in the negative, to which his follow up was ‘Don’t you realise how important this is?’

Well, of course it’s incredibly important, which is the primary reason why I shouldn’t be asked for my opinion. My horribly ill-informed knee-jerk patriotism and attachment to imperial measurements are no basis for decision on an issue of this magnitude, and 99% of the population are no better equipped. I elect a Government to make these decisions for me because they employ thousands of people to look into the pros and cons and hopefully make an intelligent and emotion free commitment one way or the other.

Of course Europe is the kind of issue that can decide elections, as Daily Mail reading middle Englanders are particularly touchy about it, so any party nailing it’s views to the flagpole on this issue is likely to divide opinion. Calling a referendum is a convenient abdication but it’s not the right thing to do. People in this country have no idea what’s best for them in the long term. As a race we abhor change and would gladly vote any party into power who’s motto was ‘keeping things the way they are’, but maybe we need to adapt to survive and prosper as a nation, who knows?

I don’t have a clue, and just like everyone else would rather buy a pint than half a litre of beer, but what sort of a basis is that for ensuring our children grow up in a country with consistent economic growth and a decent standard of living? None at all, but that’s what people will vote on. We may feel validated by a referendum, as though Government policy is now decided by some form of reality television show, where we get to decide the future of our nation. But as the X Factor has proven with the various faceless, no talent, nobodies who have won it in the past, we are terrible judges.

Stop Giving Things Away!

2007-10-11T16:56:00.000+01:00

If you’ve ever strolled through Central London in the late afternoon you will know that there are now two free evening papers to compete with the Standard. I don’t remember their names, but you will always find the vendors in pairs – one after the other, thrusting their worthless coloured rag into your hand. In the morning you can also get a free paper “The Metro” although that tends to be left around in strategic piles rather than actively thrown at you which renders it slightly less offensive.

Music is free now too I see, Prince bundled his latest record with the Sunday Mail of all papers, while Radiohead’s latest can be downloaded for nothing from their website. If a band does have the temerity to actually charge you for their labours you can probably find it on the net somewhere anyway, or download it from someone else’s iPod. You can build an enormous collection of music for the price of a hard drive, rather than actually invest in it and you don’t have to listen to a whole album – heaven forbid – just pick out the songs you like and ditch the rest, whether or not they might actually grow on you if you gave them the chance.

Idiots talk about ‘democratising’ music, as though it’s somehow shameful to charge for something so intangible. The medium means nothing anymore, where once the book was a source of power and a signifier of wealth in itself, now great works of literature can be downloaded with the click of a mouse. We live in a world where the young generation expects these things to be free, as though rewarding someone for their efforts were in someway akin to theft.

Personally, I hate anything free. By its very nature, free means worthless, free requires no investment. As a child, if I spent my pocket money on a new LP and it was crap I had a right to complain, to engage in discussion about it and to ‘vote with my feet’ when their next album hit the shops. Now I simply delete it from my hard drive, it has cost me nothing and hence it means nothing. The same is true of today’s free newspapers, riddled with poor journalism and crammed to the gills with adverts, it hardly matters, as they are free, if we don’t like them we know what we can do – and judging by the amount of copies littering the tube network in London we’re quite happy to as well.

Free media prevents discourse, it prohibits opinions, it pushes people down the path of least resistance. If I’d paid for the latest album by the latest band I was going to damn well play it until I did like it – it had cost me money after all. But now quality is crushed by convenience and ownership means nothing. Radiohead’s new record may be their best (it isn't by the way - see KidA for that accolade), but it will never be acclaimed as such, because it will not be valued. When OK Computer appeared to great fanfare, people paid money and invested in listening to and growing with an album that required some commitment. It pushed a more ‘arty’ proposition into the mainstream. The days of such excitement are behind us, as bands preach to the converted while the rest of us try it once and throw it away if it doesn’t make an immediate connection.

Free is fashionable but it is wrong, and it will kill the media. People may wish to appear brave by embracing these new models, but it will return to destroy them, and people will grow less adventurous and less willing to explore, not more so as may be hoped by these exercises in media democracy. Bands like Radiohead have already made their money, they can sit back and relax, but new artists will fail because of this folly.

The Tyranny of Choice

2007-09-07T16:23:00.001+01:00

Everywhere you go these days you hear politicians using the ‘c’ word. They seem to talk about hardly anything else when it comes to public services, it’s ‘c’ this and ‘c’ that, one wonders how we managed in the days before “choice”. Choice in education, choice in healthcare, choice to gamble or drink ourselves stupid 24 hours a day, choice is a central pillar of every parties manifesto in the bright and shiny 21st century.

Choice is good, we live in a democracy and that's something even the Luddite doesn't want to change. But whether it’s what phone company we use, who supplies our electricity or whatever, everything is our choice, because we are consumers and people tell us that's what we want. But they’re lying, and your powers of choice would be best employed by ‘choosing’ to hit these 'people' over the head with a blunt instrument. The government likes choice, because it helps them to abdicate responsibility. But choice is a fiction here, why should I need to choose? I might want to decide what to have for dinner, but if my dinner subsequently poisons me I should be able to go to whatever hospital is nearest. Equally I shouldn’t have to move house to be able to choose a decent school for my kids. They should ALL be good, that’s the governments job – not offering choice!

It is not choice to allow us to decide between the lesser of two evils, it is our right to expect everything to be of a uniformly high standard. Instead we are bamboozled with reports and gradings and league tables and all the other crap which proves how well things are going. Psychologists have shown that too much choice is bad for you, increasing anxiety and uncertainty in a world already blighted with it’s fair share of both.

Get on with it and stop telling me I have the choice of ten buses which are late, when I only want one that runs on time. Politicians need to start singing a different song because we're being palmed off with poor public services through spurious 'choices' which fail to address the root cause. Luckily we still have the choice to vote at the next election. But as with the decision between several germ ridden local hospitals, what choice do we really have?

Stating the Bleeding Obvious

2007-09-04T18:51:00.000+01:00

I see there is a gent called Neil Boorman doing the rounds at the moment, he’s got a book out and he’s going to try and make a few quid out of it. Having burnt all his expensive designer togs he has spent a year buying no branded merchandise at all, from his clothes to his food he has avoided everything – although apparently he has had some issues with toilet paper, he should have used leaves, newspaper or copies of his book perhaps. The luddite should be pleased at someone taking a step back from today’s rampant consumerism, but frankly, he’s annoyed. Why? Because this is the latest in a long line of publicity seeking idiots who have decided to make money out of stating the bleeding obvious to open mouthed, brainless ‘right-on’ liberals.

Remember Morgan Spurlock and his “Supersize Me” movie, wasn’t that clever and insightful? Yeah he made a stack of cash telling us that if we ate nothing but McDonalds for a month we’d probably look a bit pasty by the end of it. Really? Bloody hell, what an incredible revelation that was. This new fella is letting us know that in a society of rampant consumerism it can be a bit tricky getting about the place if you’re hell bent on avoiding all brands, even crap ones like Kwiksave and Amstrad. If you want to find out more you’ll need to buy his book which he’s published through a branded publishing house rather than typing each copy out personally and selling it on street corners, which would perhaps be more in keeping with his big point. The man is an idiot and one assumes a recently graduated art student.

Do these people think we’re stupid? Do they think we don’t see through their hollow gestures straight to the bottom line? Yes they do, and they’re right because we seem to lap up this crap. Michael Moore has made a career out of it, guns are bad, the US made a mistake going to Iraq etc, it’s all delivered with the same hyperbole and one-sidedness that they condemn the perpetrators for using and it’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer between the eyes. By reducing these complex arguments to black and white polemics they add nothing to the debate and simply make all the detractors look like fools. You need to make the audience think if you want them to react, not simply beat them over the head like it's an Oliver Stone movie.

Me I’m off to make a new documentary on the dangers of the motor car. I’m going to lie in the road in an effort to prove that cars can kill you if you’re not careful, I will be shocked, stunned and quite possibly slaughtered when I find out that these machines we drive around in everyday have the power to kill unsuspecting pedestrians. I’m expecting to make a posthumous fortune out of it.

Popcorn Mountain

2007-08-30T14:36:00.000+01:00

Think about the amount of popcorn bought in cinemas across the World everyday, and then think about the amount actually eaten. Can there possibly be anything less efficient than popcorn? The Luddite went to the movies the other day (they have sound now you know) and couldn’t help seeing popcorn as one giant sweet (or salty) metaphor for the world we live in today.

We are obsessed with getting ‘value for money’, raised in a society where far more than we need equates to enough and big is better. No-one ever eats all the popcorn, most of it ends up in your lap or under the seat and even the smallest size available is roughly analogous to an oil tanker. The cinema however has to justify its inflated prices by offering inflated portion sizes knowing full well that they can simply empty the Hoover bag back into the dispenser the following day.
It’s time to call their bluff fellow luddites. Next time you go to the movies and there are ten or so people in front of you in the queue for confectionary do a quick straw poll to see who wants popcorn. Purchase a small container and divide it up amongst everyone there (you can use the paper cups from the mega sized soda dispenser) everyone will be perfectly satisfied with the amount (although it may be best to go for a mix of salt and sweet just to be on the safe side) and you will be making the first steps toward a better world.

Be aware I’m not trying to turn this into a coke commercial or make some hackneyed point about famine in Africa or whatever; this is about a society that doesn’t want to go large, doesn’t equate big with best and believes that enough is quite adequate thank you very much. We live in a world blighted by excess, littered with waste and unnecessary choice, popcorn is the thin end of the wedge. We are led to believe we are getting ‘value’ because we are given more than we can possibly consume which is nonsense. So let’s spread the love, save our fellow movie goers a few quid and annoy popcorn manufacturers everywhere.

The British Summer - An Apology

2007-08-30T14:15:00.000+01:00

Hasn't the worst thing about this Summer (other than the absolutely appalling weather) been the complete lack of someone to blame? We live in such a blame culture these days, where everything is someones fault and there is no such thing as an accident. Everytime a tragedy occurs we look for negligence and someone's head on a plate, but this Summer has come somewhat out of the blue (and in to the grey). We were ready for 'Global warming' and were blaming either the American's and their SUVs or the developing world for having the temerity to want to own cars, but ceaseless rain and cold has been harder to attribute to anyone.

So, bearing that in mind, it's time for the Luddite to come clean. After a wonderful April, with sunshine and short sleeves, the Luddite decided that it was time to invest in some garden furniture. Not just any old garden furniture, but something reasonably fancy and costing more than is strictly sensible. This furniture arrived at the beginning of May and luckily included a cover to keep the rain off. It arrived at 10am, was assembled by noon and covered by 1.30. Only twice since then has the cover come off for any period of time which, on the plus side, means that my garden furniture still looks lovely and clean. It also means that, quite clearly, this appalling Summer is down to me and my ridiculous attempt to 'sex up' my patio. So please accept my apologies and feel free to use my name in vain when struggling through the snow, in July. It was expensive but if next year doesn't improve you have my word that I'll burn the damn thing to the ground.

Science Fiction

2007-08-23T16:44:00.000+01:00

The Luddite is suspicious of Science Fiction in general and wants this made clear in advance. Star Trek for example is set in “the future”, a wholly improbable place where fierce alien races fear octogenarians in velour jumpers and being bald is no barrier to success. Homer Simpson for one knows this is untrue and centuries of progress are far more likely to bring a decent hair restorer than an acceptance of male pattern baldness. In the same vein with the current increase in obesity, fat people seem poorly represented in this utopian future with sliding doors that go ‘whoosh’.
Star Wars is equally questionable, despite being set a ‘long time ago’ in a galaxy ‘far far away’. It may start well, and any galaxy where small cuddly bears armed only with nets and stones can bring down a race of highly trained laser equipped crack storm troopers is a clear endorsement of Luddism. However The Luddite holds no truck with notions of ‘the force’ which is way too close to Russell Grant and Uri Geller territory, one minute you’re bending spoons, the next your lifting X-Wing fighters from a swamp in the Dagoba system. It’s not big or clever, and Alec Guinness should have known better.
The Luddite is, however, a sucker for 1970’s Dr. Who, despite having access to time travel and the unflinching belief that a police box looks inconspicuous throughout the universe, the Doctor is a prize luddite. He neither trusts nor understands technology and continually makes vague references to Neutron flows and force fields which he clearly knows nothing about. For every televised adventure where he gets it right, a hundred others show him blowing the whole place sky high and strolling away whistling. He is, much like the Luddite, a man out of time, and never better embodied than by Pertwee and Baker. He hates progress, and abhors posh weaponry and plans of galactic domination which he foils with a cheeky grin, a bag of jelly babies and in some cases ancient Venusian lullabys, fantastic.